I had sore arthritis in my hands and was feeling very tired all the time. I had a lung test in May 2024, broke an abscess and have lost mobility in the last couple of weeks. It turns out the cancer is affecting my bones.

Learning I had cancer gave me anxiety and some fear. I’m scared of the future and medical intervention.

My treatment plan involves chemotherapy, radiation therapy, pain medication, palliative hospice pain management and magnesium infusions.

Honestly, I was fearful and scared of stories you hear about chemo and radiation and cancer in general. But my doctor is extremely honest and I trust her like I can't say I have trusted anyone else. I am so incredibly lucky to have her. To finance my treatment, I receive Te Whatu Ora help from the government and cancer society.

Some of the medications I took are:

• Dexamethasone
• Methadone
• Gabapentin
• Oxycodone
• Levothyroxine
• Panadol

So far, I’ve undergone:

• 3 cycles of chemo, each consisting of 10 sessions
• 2 rounds of radiation therapy, one round consisting of 10 sessions and another round of 5 sessions

I’m currently waiting for 5 more sessions of radiation in hospital at the moment. Then, another cycle of chemo for 10 sessions.

While receiving treatment, the cancer spread. So, the last 2 chemo sessions are needed due to the presence of cancer in new areas of my body. They’ll also be done with stronger medications, namely higher doses of Methadone and higher Oxycodone, which is better. This makes me optimistic while I’m receiving pain management and waiting for a new round of prescription medication.

Because of the radiation, I struggle with fatigue. I sleep a lot and had to stay in bed for ages. I also suffer from hair loss and a burned esophagus.

To cope with the side effects, I sleep and took prescribed medication, like drugs for nausea.

I’d say that after treatment started, I made sure to get enough rest. I had to rest heaps just to do minor things like taking a shower. I can't really care for myself or our dogs. I just deteriorated.

Mobility resources are something I found particularly useful in my experience.

I continued working even after I found out I had cancer. My employer offered some accommodations and I love the work. What influenced me to stay was the support and ability to give back. My work is talk-based and is written. My boss and colleagues are spectacular too.

Since being diagnosed with cancer, I’ve had to face challenges in various aspects of my personal life, such as in my:

• Social life and relationships with loved ones: I have to get so much help and it's hard to always ask
• Day-to-day life: I just can’t do stuff at all
• Self-esteem/self-image: I think I look like hell
• Professional life: I have had to work from home sometimes and not at all others

It feels depressing sometimes. I feel the anxiety and sometimes cry. The general inability to do anything, including being regularly in motion, affects me the most.

To get through it, I talked about it and learned the spoon energy theory which the hospice social worker taught me. It’s very good.

I knew I was loved. But I did not how much or by how many. Connecting, including reconnecting with church, was surprising for me. I also did a financial plan with the lawyers and Whanau.

My greatest fear is medicine addiction because these drugs are very strong, plus I’m feeling useless. But I carry on. Feelings don't always reflect reality. Anyway, I talked to my dogs.

I feel optimistic now. Yes, I am sick with bad cancer in my bones, but the medical team here at the hospital are totally awesome. Kind, caring, the best medical care I ever got.

Stand strong. Those around you are your strength. Open with love. Stay positive. Cry if you want. Do what the doctor says. If you haven't, look up the spoon theory and practice looking after yourself because it's your turn and you need it.

Take the pre-medications. Take the pain relief.